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The Ebb and Flow of Grief: Embracing the Dual Process Model

Grief holds both sorrow and resilience. Losing a loved one is an inevitable part of the

human experience, and the journey through grief is as unique as the individuals who

embark upon it. One framework I use with clients that sheds light on this intricate

process is the Dual Process Model. This model acknowledges the delicate balance

between confronting the pain of loss and seeking solace in the everyday.

Imagine grief as a tide, ebbing and flowing, sometimes gentle and other times

tumultuous. The Dual Process Model, proposed by Margaret Stroebe and Henk Schut,

encourages us to navigate this tidal rhythm by oscillating between two essential

processes: confronting our grief and taking respite from it. It's a dance between the

"loss-oriented"; and "restoration-oriented"; aspects of grief.

The loss-oriented dimension invites us to delve into the depths of our emotions, to

acknowledge the pain, and to confront the reality of our loss. This is not a linear path;

grief is more like a spiral staircase where we revisit aspects of the pain, each time from

a slightly different perspective. It's about giving ourselves permission to mourn, to

reminisce, and to honor the memories that linger in the corridors of our hearts.

Simultaneously, the restoration-oriented dimension encourages us to step away from

the intense emotions periodically. It's not a betrayal to find joy amidst the grief; in fact,

it's a crucial part of the healing process. Engaging in activities that bring comfort and

solace, building new routines, and nurturing ourselves are essential components of

restoration. The goal is not to replace the loss but to learn to live with it, to find a new


Consider the Dual Process Model in your own grief journey. When the waves of sorrow

crash over you, acknowledge them. Allow yourself the time and space to grieve without

judgment. Share your memories, write letters to your loved one, or create a memorial

that reflects their impact on your life. This is the loss-oriented dance, a poignant and

necessary movement.

Simultaneously, take gentle steps into the restoration-oriented dance. Engage in

activities that bring you peace, reconnect with friends, or immerse yourself in a hobby

that sparks joy. Understand that healing doesn't mean forgetting but finding a way to

carry the memories forward.

Remember, the dance of grief is personal, and there's no right or wrong way to move

through it. The Dual Process Model simply offers a compassionate guide, reminding us

that grief is not a linear journey.

If you find yourself grappling with the waves of grief and could use some support in

navigating this emotional journey, I'm here to help. Together, we can navigate the

complexities of loss and work towards healing at your own pace.

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